


Lost Glove

by Slenderlock



Category: Night at the Museum (2006 2009)
Genre: Jedediah gets jealous, Kisses, M/M, Octy is gay for lancelot, a little sad, but still 3rd person, jedediah pretends he isn't but he is also a sad gay baby, miscomunnication, more Octavius's POV than Jedediah's, octavius is a sad gay baby, takes place during NATM 3, together they are sad and gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-17 13:27:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3531023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slenderlock/pseuds/Slenderlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An alternate telling of <em>Secret of the Tomb</em> featuring a cowboy, a Roman, and a lot of bad luck. </p><p>“We’re back, boi,” Jedediah said, breathlessly, eyes bluer even than Lancelot’s had ever been, rings of near-black around the edges, crinkled eyelids, and Octavius could do nothing but stare helplessly. Around them, the others were cheering and chattering, but when Jedediah’s eyes met his, Octavius could hear nothing other than the blood thudding in his ears, pulsing along with his heart.</p><p>“Yes, well.” Octavius laughed weakly, searching through Jedediah’s eyes. “Good thing the knight of blue eyes came to his senses, isn’t it?”</p><p>((not set in the <b><a href="http://archiveofourown.org/series/218924">Cacoethes</a></b> universe))</p><p>  <b>[EDIT: now with a happy epilogue!]</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

As soft and comfortable as the fur-lined hat they were sitting in was, there was nothing stopping them from being tossed out of it the moment the hun began to lose control of himself.

Jedediah and Octavius could see a few brief flashes of the monstrous snake that was attacking their friends before the hun inevitably winded up upside down. As Attila’s head slammed down to the ground, they felt the blow before being propelled back upward into the air- and out of the hat entirely.

Octavius could only manage a weak “ _Jedediah!_ ” as they fell through the air and towards the ground. An arm locked itself around his, and he looked to see his friend latched onto him.

 _“This ain’t the end, my friend,”_ he heard, as they soared closer and closer to the ground- only it didn’t quite look like the ground, actually. It seemed more like a floor with holes in it. Big holes.

He had just enough time to look at Jedediah once more, unable to convey what he wanted- _needed-_ to say, before they hit the floor.

To be more precise, they hit the edges of the metal grate before tumbling down. Octavius’s cape caught itself on a loose edge of metal- that could so easily have killed either one of them, dear lord- and for a moment he couldn’t breathe. The cape tugged around his neck, cutting off any and all air that would have otherwise flowed to his lungs.

Jedediah’s hands had found his ankle. But, judging by the sheer force at which the air was blowing through the grate, he wouldn’t be able to hold on for much longer.

With strength he hadn’t realized he’d possessed, Octavius’s hands found the fabric clasped around his neck. The cape was pulling so tightly against the skin that his throat began to throb against it, every untaken breath adding to the magnitude of pain exploding from the singular point and spreading down through his limbs. With numbing fingers, he found the metal clasp that sealed the cape around his throat and, as he felt Jedediah’s hands slipping down his ankle and clutch desperately to his foot, managed to unfasten it.

At the release of pressure, the two of them shot down the ventilation shaft, faster even than the specks of dust that flew beside them-

And then they were slammed against another grate- this one without any holes big enough to slip through. It became apparent exactly why the air had been traveling so fast through the first grate- and that was the same reason they were pinned to this grate.

The vacuum was dehydrating- it felt like it was destroying every cell of his body. Octavius could barely move his limbs, but he managed to roll to his side, just enough to face Jedediah. Blindly, he reached for his friend’s hand- but it was just out of reach.

 _“This is the end, boy,”_ Jedediah was yelling, limbs flailing. _“This is the last roundup!”_

The air pulling them impossibly closer to the grate blew past their faces, hard enough that he could barely crack his eyes open, but somehow he managed to make out words.

 _“Hold my hand!”_ he roared over the screams of the air. Bracing his arm against the wind, he slid it across the grate towards Jedediah.

For a horrible moment, there was nothing but the rush of air between them. And Jedediah couldn’t hear him, of course he couldn’t, he’d never had a chance and now he was giving up the last chance he’d ever have and Jedediah couldn’t even hear him and he’d never regretted anything more-

“ _Why?”_

No, no. _Now_ he’d never regretted anything more. The feeling of lost opportunity was nothing compared to the sickly scrape of realization that Jedediah _had heard him_ and hadn’t reached for his hand, hadn’t said anything but _what-_ and now he’d truly wrecked it, hadn’t he-

In any case, the lost opportunity was so much less painful than the rejection.

 _“Nevermind,”_ he called, drawing his arm back.

Somehow, through a miracle only Jupiter could have delivered, the suction ceased. They fell to the floor of the ventilation shaft, dust covering them from head to toe. Octavius set about brushing his legs off while Jedediah began fixing his hat- which, _impossibly-_ was still on his head.

“Whoa,” the cowboy breathed, looking at the maze of metal that lay before them. “We’re a long way from home, boy.” He turned to Octavius. “Did you ask me to _hold your hand?_ ”

Octavius stiffened.

“No,” he declared, stepping forward into the unknown and leaving the past where it belonged- behind him.

He didn’t hear the soft _mmhmm_ that echoed around the ventilation walls as Jedediah followed him in stride.

o0O0o

After what felt like hours of wandering through the different tunnels, turning left and right and right and left with no sign of an opening, they ended up looking down a hole in the ventilation shaft, which overlooked another room of the museum.

“Can’t really see much,” Jedediah muttered, peering down into the hole. “Could jump down, hope for the best?”

“We have no idea what’s down there,” Octavius pointed out, looking down as well. It looked vaguely red colored, but he couldn’t make out any details. To be fair, it was entirely plausible that they’d be free of harm. But on the other side, it was equally likely that, if they jumped, they’d fall straight to their deaths.

Octavius was about to suggest they turn around back the way they’d come and look for another opening when the ducts trembled under their feet. Something roared, a throttling sound that trembled in the air around them. Something was coming, something was larger than they were and coming straight towards them.

“We don’t know what’s up here, either,” Jedediah whispered, as the shadow of the something crowned the wall of the air duct, creating the outline of something monstrous, something gigantic. And if they stayed there for another second, they’d be killed, they’d be devoured alive.

Grabbing Jedediah’s arm, Octavius leapt off the ground and into the hole through the ventilation shaft. Yelling, the two of them slipped past the grates and fell to the ground below- and it was indeed a ground.

As they stood and brushed themselves off, Octavius surveyed the scenery. The buildings, red though they were, carried a familiar sense of design. Columns lined the walls, and at once Octavius felt as if he were at home.

“This is a roman city,” he said in awe, feeling a little relieved. Home seemed so far away now. And there was really no telling whether they’d ever get back or not. “I can feel the familiar pull of history in these very foundations.”

Though that wasn’t quite right, was it? Was it really history if he himself was merely designed to be Roman? He knew he was a figurine, of course he knew. Why else would he only awake at sunset and stand nearly two inches tall?

“So,” Jedediah mused, breaking Octavius from his thoughts. “Where the heck is everybody?” They circled each other, getting their bearings in the strange empty place.

“I've seen this town before, I'm sure of it,” Octavius muttered, striding off to the nearest path.

Jedediah followed him, but not without calling out “ _Romans?”_ behind him.

There wasn’t very far to walk- after all, it was a museum diorama; there was only so much space they could devote to recreating an entire city- even though it was far bigger than either of their exhibits back home. When they reached the other side of the display, Octavius knelt down on the ground.

“Ii-eip-wop,” he read, slowly. “Yepwop,” he repeated, then frowned. “Doesn’t ring a bell.” Strange, he could have sworn he knew this city.

“ _Hmmmm-hrhrhggff!”_

Octavius and Jedediah looked up to see the marbled head of a Roman behind a glass case, yelling at them.

“Now, who’s this little guy?” Jedediah muttered.

“ _Hrremm-hrrrryyry!”_

“I’m sorry, I’m having trouble hearing you,” Jedediah shouted, cupping his hands. When the statue tried again to no avail, he shook his head. “No comprendo, amigo- because you’ve got the thing in front of you, we-”

Jedediah broke off, giving up. But Octavius had already lost interest in the bust, instead staring wide eyed at the enormous crowd of Romans yelling at the top of their lungs and running out the door. Well, without anyone knowing of their existence, they’d be trampled. Not destroyed, of course, they were made of plastic. But it certainly wouldn’t be pleasant.

As Jedediah still hadn’t seen them, Octavius pointed.

“What are they doing?” he asked.

“Huh.” Jedediah huffed. “Where in the blazes are they stampedin’ off to?” He chuckled. “Was it something we said?” he called to the crowd, which either didn’t hear or ignored him. Jedediah laughed, then held up his hands, making a noise akin to a sick cow in the summer.

Octavius laughed alongside him, imitating the motion.

“Come on back to Yepwop; there’s plenty of room!” he yelled, but the tiny Romans still didn’t respond.

“Eh, they’re as crazy as road lizards,” Jedediah said, shrugging.

“People are strange,” Octavius agreed.

o0O0o

“ _Phrrmm-prrrryy!”_

“Yepwop.”

_“Phrehrhhrmm. Prerrryryryy!”_

“Yepwop.” Jedediah frowned. “You sure you're readin’ that right, pal?”

“Hmmm?”

_“PRRRMM. PEEUUUUI.”_

The pieces began to slide themselves together in the back of Octavius’s mind, but before he had a chance to connect the familiarity of the city with the familiarity of the word the bust was shouting through the glass case, a sound filled his ears. The volcano erupted, sending a spray of molten lava up into the air. The ground beneath them pulsed, trembled. It was low, it was deep, and in an instant, it was horrifyingly clear exactly where they were- and, by extension, exactly what was happening.

“Ohhhh,” he said, looking first at the volcano and then back at Jedediah. When Jedediah frowned his confusion, he shrugged. “Pompeii.”

o0O0o

Their luck, as it always did, ran out far too quickly. After a few minutes of screaming and sprinting away from the lava- and no, they couldn’t just run sideways away from it, there were damn buildings in the way- they ended up against one last wall.

“All right,” Jedediah breathed, as they backed up away from the lava, which was creeping closer by the second. They were running out of room, and more importantly, they were running out of time.

Instinctively, Octavius reached for his hand. Jedediah was either too focused on the onslaught of lava to notice, or ignored it- and Octavius didn’t know which one was worse.

“My friend,” he started, as they walked backwards up the steps. The lava covered the whole of the ground now, beginning to climb up the stairs towards them.

“Last roundup, kemosabe,” Jedediah said, running him over, and Octavius felt something deep inside him sink, shrivel up, and dissolve. “Slap on the barbecue sauce, boi.”

“Jedediah,” he tried again, because it wasn’t fair, he had to have a chance, at least-

“Waitaminute- what?”

“Jedediah, I-”

“No, no- _what is that?_ ”

Something larger even than the volcano was rearing up over the city, something gargantuan. Octavius’s hand, still clenched around Jedediah’s, held tighter. The cowboy’s glove was slick under his touch, greased by Octavius’s sweat. He readjusted his grip- and Jedediah yanked it out of his grasp.

Something very cold and very small wriggled its way out of Octavius’s stomach and down his legs- he nearly sank to the ground as his knees buckled, but managed to stay upright against the back wall.

The face of the capuchin bowed through the smoke and, as Dexter hobbled forward, both of them knew in that moment what was about to happen.

“No, no, no, no, you wouldn’t,” Jedediah warned, pointing at Dexter.

Octavius shook his head. “He must.”

Undignified, perhaps, but it was far better than being buried alive in lava. They braced themselves as yes, that was exactly what they thought it was, sprayed over the lava and all over them, cooling the magma back into solid rock.

“We must never speak of what happened here today,” he said quietly, wringing his own hands together. And they never would, he realized. If Jedediah would refuse to so much as hold his hand back when they were potentially inches away from death, then there was nothing else that could be done.

At least he hadn’t gotten angry.

Thankfully, the monkey peeing over them for a second time saved him from having to listen to Jedediah’s answer.

“Come on,” Jedediah shouted at Dexter. “That wasn’t necessary; _it’s out!_ ”

o0O0o

Surrounded by still burning hot magma, it didn’t take long for their clothes and their hair to try. Surprisingly, Dexter’s… excrement didn’t smell incredibly bad. Within a minute or so, they were more or less back to normal.

“Better let Larry know we’re okay,” Jedediah said, waving to Dexter. “Turn around.” The monkey obediently turned around and sat, offering the phone to them. “Larry’s prolly worried about us.”

They squatted in front of the phone as Jedediah swiped up to the camera. They grinned to the camera, and Jedediah pressed the button, freezing the image of their faces on the screen.

Jedediah made a mental note to ask Larry to print that out for him.

They never got a response, which was a little worrying, but it took no time at all for Dexter to carry them through the hallways and over towards the sound of commotion. The museum’s walls carried sound much too well to make any of the words out, but it sounded like trouble.

Before they could make it to where Larry presumably was, a man clad in metal armor tore around the corner.

A man with… surprisingly well kempt hair.

Not well kempt like that American soldier back in the Smithsonian- a narcissist if Octavius had ever seen one; it was a shame his looks were put to waste- but well kempt in a way that _worked._ As the man ran, his hair billowed past his neck, illuminated by the indoor lighting of the museum. But it wasn’t so long that it looked ridiculous, no, the man wouldn’t have been able to braid it. Being only two inches tall or so, Octavius didn’t have a very clear view of the man’s face, but he saw enough to notice the glint of blue that shone down as the man ran.

“Whoah!” Jedediah crowed, and Octavius felt a burst of jealousy that he hadn’t been granted the chance to speak first. “Easy there, partner, slow it down, now.”

The man came to a stop in front of them, and Octavius was given a much better view of his eyes.

“I don’t know who you are, but I’m pretty dang sure that tablet don’t belong to you,” Jedediah finished, pointing at the golden- well, not exactly golden anymore- tablet under the man’s arm.

It was a pity, Octavius thought, that this man had to be stealing the tablet.

The man laughed and ran straight past them.

“Whoa- wuh- now, wait a second, come back here!” The man ignored Jedediah and jogged down the hallway, around another corner. “ _This ain’t over!”_

“You’ll rue the day you mocked us with your huge sword and hypnotic blue eyes!” Octavius added, as the last trace of the knight vanished behind a corner.

A moment passed in which neither of them said anything. Octavius reran his words twice before realizing what he’d said. Never one to give up dignity, he huffed.

“His eyes are very blue,” he said stiffly.

Jedediah, uncharacteristically, didn’t say anything. Octavius was about to suggest they get back atop Dexter and continue on the search for Larry- or, actually, perhaps a better idea would be to follow after the blue eyed man and see if they couldn’t get the tablet, or at least make it easier for Larry to secure it again- when the Night Guard himself rounded the corner.

“Larry!” he called, waving as the man ran closer.

“Hey, you guys,” Larry said, bending down. “How you doing?”

“Still in one piece, Gigantor.” Jedediah grinned. At his voice, Octavius felt the sickly feeling again, this time twisting in his stomach before pulsing up and down his spine.

“Here, I believe this belongs to you,” Larry said, and to his amazement, Octavius saw the cape that had caught in the ventilation shaft- the same cape that had almost killed him, actually. Perhaps he should rethink the “cape” part of his ensemble.

“Thank you,” he said, taking it and fastening it around his neck once more.

“I don’t understand,” Teddy’s voice said, and Octavius realized that they were surrounded by quite a large crowd- two of which they didn’t recognize in the slightest. The conversation passed over their heads at a mile a minute, but they got the gist that yes, this knight- Lancelot, apparently- had stolen the tablet and yes- as always- if they didn’t manage to get the tablet back and make sure it was repaired, all of them would die.

Well, not die. Just revert back to their original states.

They joined Teddy in the search for Lancelot, riding on his shoulder to the side doors by the south wing, but came up empty handed. None of them had made small talk, knowing that finding the tablet right now was the most important thing. When they’d exhausted the south wing, they returned to the front of the museum where Larry was waiting. The Night Guard carefully extracted them from Teddy’s shoulder, and even though Octavius prayed to Jupiter that Larry would have two separate shirt pockets to put them in, he slipped them both in one. Jedediah didn’t seem to mind- or at least he acted as much- so Octavius did his best to mimic his friend.

The tablet, he reminded himself.

The tablet was the most important thing.

o0O0o

Their walk through the darkness was tense and silent. Sacagawea led the way, tracking Lancelot’s trail through the different streets and alleyways. Larry, Teddy, Attila, and Ahkmenrah followed wordlessly, ignoring the stares of the passerby. Ahkmenrah’s outfit wasn’t exactly the most subtle.

Jedediah and Octavius weren’t big enough to catch anyone’s notice, but they ended up staying below the edge of Larry’s pocket, just in case. Jedediah peered up periodically, checking to see where they were and if there was any sign of Lancelot. But, every time, he slumped back down into the pocket, disappointed.

It wasn’t until Larry stopped short that Octavius bothered to look up as well.

If there was anything good about the gigantic metal lions coming to life and approaching them menacingly, it was the fact that the only explanation was the tablet- which meant Lancelot had passed by here. They were at least on the right track.

“Gigantor, get your flashlight out!” Jedediah crowed, and Octavius jumped in surprise at his voice. What was he _doing?_ “These cats wanna play!”

Octavius hurtled backwards through time, back to the night when everything had begun to fall apart, when they’d stood in front of the computer and laughed together at the sight of two kittens chasing a light-

Back to where Larry had introduced them to the computer and to the video website and he had demanded to comment alongside the other humans, to where they’d agreed to set up two accounts but ended up with just the one-

Back to Jedediah jogging over the keys, typing in _O-C-T_ and then falling over and landing back on the _O_ key again, then deciding it was too much work to erase it and continuing on to the _A_ key but missing and hitting the _D_ instead, to Jedediah finishing proudly with the word _o-c-t-o-d-a-d-d-y_ displayed on the screen and them just deciding to use it anyway-

Back to him stating firmly that yes, they were going to go over it later and no, he wouldn’t be keeping _octodaddy_ , to building the Apparatus and, with Larry’s help, uploading a picture of his face to the account, to deciding that perhaps _octodaddy_ wasn’t the worst thing in the world and also perhaps he might have possibly grown a little bit fond of the name-

-and back to the present, where the Night Guard was doing his damndest to distract the large cats. And, as luck would have it, it was working. Jedediah was whooping beside him, cheering as the lions chased the flashlight across the pavement, reduced back down to their primal instincts.

And so, even as Jedediah cheered beside him, Octavius sank back down into Larry’s pocket.

o0O0o

Amid the panic bubbling beneath each of them- Teddy’s arms were entirely waxwork, and Octavius wasn’t going to admit it, but his armor had begun to lose a bit of its shine- the sight of Lancelot the knight with a dripping nose was… amusing, to say the least.

As the knight got angrier and angrier, the thing only swung back and forth, as if it were taunting him.

“It really is hard not to look at,” Jedediah whispered, and Octavius responded without thinking.

“Yes, he is.”

“It’s _disgusting._ ”

“Yet he’s still handsome.”

It was a mystery, to be sure, because it was true. Though his nose had indeed lost his shape, the knight’s hair was still soft and perfectly curled- if anything, it had seemed to glow in the light of the torch. Really, it was a pity he’d extinguished it.

And then again, Attila’s hat proved to be a precarious place to sit, because not a moment later the tablet lost another bit of its magic and the Hun fell to the ground, tossing them out of the hat.

And then they were on top of the theatre building and it was worse even than seeing Jedediah trapped inside an hourglass, worse than being at the mercy of Ahkmenrah’s half baked brother. Because Teddy had already turned back to wax entirely, and it was only a matter of time before they reverted as well.

“Larry,” he heard Ahkmenrah say, and his voice was caked in grief. “We’re run out of time.”

From where he lay on the ground, suddenly too exhausted to do more than slide his eyes from side to the side, Octavius watched as Dexter, too, fell. Part of him was almost offended at the Night Guard’s emotional turmoil at losing the monkey rather than _them,_ but another part was grateful for the privacy.

His eyes sought the stars, which glittered down, staring at him. They weren’t mocking him with their freedom, they were welcoming him. He blinked, and each star burst into two before blurring together, creating one mass of light and dark that somehow melted together to create the Night. Octavius closed his eyes to it, preparing himself.

“I’ll take that hand, now.”

Eyes open again, Octavius strained his neck to see Jedediah’s hand, impossibly, reaching for him. His glove was off- when had he taken it off?- and his fingers were slack, arm trembling with the effort it took to reach.

Abandoning the stars, he reached back and wrapped his fingers around Jedediah’s hand.

Together, they waited.

o0O0o

It wasn’t dying, exactly.

That being said, it wasn’t coming back to life, either.

It was more like asphyxiating.

Octavius couldn’t see the tablet returning to its golden state, but he could feel its magic returning to him, flowing down his skull to his spine to his arms and legs to his fingertips to his toes down through his stomach into his chest back out his mouth-

“Jede-”

“ _We’re back, baby!_ ”

He had the strength to get to his feet, at last, and felt the weight of his body atop his legs. Jedediah, beside him, was busy cheering and whooping, as Teddy, Ahkmenrah, and the rest of them all regained life alongside them.

“Well done, Larry,” he called to the Night Guard, who probably couldn’t even hear him from all the way on the ground.

The shock of regaining movement and sentience had passed, but he still felt empty. There was no life behind the way he moved his arms, set one foot in front of the other and then back again, slid his eyelids closed and open.

“There he is, my favorite guy- come here,” he heard, before something collided with him, knocking him nearly off his feet. Jedediah had found him again and thrown his arms around Octavius. His metal armor hit his chestbone painfully and his helmet was jolted off of his head and onto the rooftop, but he barely noticed.

“We’re alive,” he said, still under the pressure of Jedediah’s arms. Cautiously, he began to hug his friend in return.

The moment Octavius’s arms moved from his side, however, Jedediah broke the hug, choosing instead to look him in the face, eyes wild, hands on Octavius’s shoulders.

“We’re back, boi,” he said, breathlessly, eyes bluer even than Lancelot’s had ever been, rings of near-black around the edges, crinkled eyelids, and Octavius could do nothing but stare helplessly. Around them, the others were cheering and chattering, but when Jedediah’s eyes met his, Octavius could hear nothing other than the blood thudding in his ears, pulsing along with his heart.

He breathed shallowly, lungs still trying to get used to the feeling of contracting and expanding once more. With the air came the earthy scent from the dirt that had collected on the rooftop, the faint sense of sweat from behind Jedediah’s sleeves, the trace of gunpowder that might have once inhabited one of his guns.

“Yes, well.” Octavius laughed weakly, searching through Jedediah’s eyes. “Good thing the knight of blue eyes came to his senses, isn’t it?”

It wasn’t sudden- perhaps it was, physically, but the time it took Octavius’s mind to wrap around the fact that yes, _this was happening_ was more than instantaneous. But before Octavius could even sense that Jedediah’s hands had left his shoulders and found the edge of his jaw and his hand, which was hanging loosely by his side, the cowboy had leaned forward and crashed their mouths together.

Afraid for a moment that the tablet had degenerated once again and that the loss of mobility he was now experiencing was due to the fact that he was no longer technically _alive,_ Octavius could do nothing but try to get a grasp on what exactly was happening to him, lips clamped shut, entirely frozen in place.

Jedediah’s eyes were closed- should his be closed as well? He wasn’t aware of the protocol of these things- and his fingers were tangled between Octavius’s, glove still lost somewhere on the rooftop. The hand on his jaw was creeping higher and higher, which he was torn between leaning against and grabbing for himself, and in a moment those fingers would find his hairline- oh, there it was.

Jedediah pulled gently at his hair and the tablet’s magic did its job, rejuvenating his limbs back into their versatile state.

He could have sworn he heard- well, more _felt_ \- Jedediah laughing against him as he began to reciprocate, squeezing his hand around Jedediah’s, mimicking the cowboy and sliding his own eyes shut, lips parting ever so slightly. Their noses smushed together for a moment before Jedediah evidently decided to solve the problem, tilting his head to the side just so they misaligned.

Jedediah smelled foul.

Not to be misunderstood, Octavius enjoyed kissing him immensely, but there was little to be expected from someone who had flown down a duct, raced away from a lava flow, and urinated on by a capuchin. He could _taste_ the sweat that crept in from the corners of Jedediah’s mouth- not that he wasn’t contributing sweat of his own, of course.

But, yes. Jedediah smelled foul. And when the cowboy decided to let out a breath quite literally _in_ his face, it became apparent that he not only carried a noxious scent, but an even more poisonous taste.

And it hardly mattered.

With his fingers intertwined with Jedediah’s, palms flush against one another- _as they should be, because one hand on its own felt wrong, so wrong, it belonged with the other’s, their hands deserved to own one another-_ heart racing now with joy rather than fear, throat working beyond his control and grinding out noises that were lost to the din behind them- _that he hoped to god Jedediah didn’t hear because he’d never hear the end of it; he’d snorted once when they were laughing to a video and the cowboy still reminded him of it to this day-_ Octavius kissed back with everything he had.

It wasn’t _mouths meeting_ or _lips crashing together_ or _closing the distance between them,_ this was the truest embodiment of a kiss. And when the moment reached its end and they broke apart- hands still clasped together- there was no wish of it having lingered further; any longer and it would have lost its magic.

The hand that had tugged on Octavius’s hair pulled away, and as he opened his eyes slowly, Octavius saw that Jedediah was looking straight at him. Octavius looked between each of his eyes, not sure which of them to focus on. Jedediah didn’t speak, but appeared to do the same. There was something in his eyes that hadn’t been there before- they reminded Octavius of the stars. After a moment or two, Octavius decided to break the silence.

“Jedediah, I-”

“I’m sorry.”

Octavius stared.

Jedediah didn’t offer any more words, but his eyes- _Jupiter and Venus and Mars and Mercury, they were all parading through his irises-_ sank to the rooftop below them.

Octavius’s fingers went slack at his words, allowing the cowboy to slip his hand away. Jedediah bent down, picked up his glove, and tugged it atop his fingers. The leather squeaked horribly. Octavius watched him, stock still.

“Jedediah,” he said, quietly.

“No, wheel-horse, I’m sorry.” Jedediah shook his head. “This ain’t… right.”

“Jedediah,” Octavius begged. “Please- I don’t understand.” He reached for Jedediah’s hand, but the cowboy flinched, yanking it to his chest.

“No.” Jedediah shook his head. “No, I can’t-”

“ _Will you at least look at me?”_

And Jedediah did.

He was lost, Octavius realized. His eyes hadn’t held the stars at all; they’d held tears. But if his tears were the stars, then he had a galaxy in his eyes. And if Octavius looked far enough, he could pick out their arm, their sun, their planet.

“Guys!”

Larry had returned to them, at last, the tablet under his arm. It truly was golden, now, glowing happily in the light of the moon.

“Gigantor, you made it!” Jedediah crowed, looking up at the Night Guard and grinning broadly. Octavius managed a smile as well- if nothing else, he could be happy for Larry.

“Yeah- come on, you guys, let’s get back down and tell Ahk’s father the good news.” Larry held out a hand, and so Octavius had no choice but to step up alongside Jedediah. His only comfort was that Jedediah was in the same state of mind as he was- they couldn’t discuss this in front of Larry, and so they had no choice but to remain silent, neither sure of a topic of conversation.

Larry handed them back to Attila, who carefully set them back in his hat. As many times as they had fallen out of it, neither complained. They weren’t likely to get into any more battles, and besides, it was lined with fur.

“Lads,” Teddy said quietly, as Larry talked with Ahkmenrah’s father and the prince himself regaled his mother with the tale of their adventure- and his tone was so quiet and serious that all thought of the rooftop was shoved to the back (well, perhaps not the back; it was more like the side) of his mind. “We need to discuss something.”

o0O0o

“So this is to be our last night together.”

“Mmm.”

“After tonight, we will cease to exist. Possibly forever.”

“Mmhmm.”

“You do not think this worthy of conversation?”

“Look, it just- it ain’t important, all right?”

“Unimportant.”

“Yeah. Ain’t important. We’ve got this night left; I don’t want to spend it on a bobbery.”

“A what?”

“Argument. Ain’t no way in hell I’m fightin’ with you, last thing I do.”

“ _Agendum,_ there is no need for an argument.”

“Exactly. Let’s just… go home. Make sure we’re in our places before dawn. All that good stuff.”

“You don’t wish to talk?”

“I said I didn’t want to fight.”

“And I said there was no need for an argument- but do you not wish to talk at all?”

“Why’ve you got a cactus stuffed where the sun don’t shine, partner? I just don’t want to-”

“Do you not understand how I feel about you?”

The overhead compartment of the airplane hadn’t proven itself to be very luminous, but there was enough light seeping through the cracks to cast at least Jedediah’s face in a low light. And as such, Octavius was able to read the complete blank stare that met him. There wasn’t any turbulence to save them from the silence that now stretched between them; no one opened up the compartment to grab something they missed, there were no other sounds other than the roar of the plane echoing outside the compartment.

“What are you on about, Spark?”

Octavius removed his helmet and set it between his knees, leaning his head against the wall of the compartment as well as his back.

“It is… understandable,” he began, carefully. “We are from different times; of course we share separate practices. And given your time period, it wouldn’t be unexpected for you to harbor a less than favorable air towards, well-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, practices? Wha-”

“But I see no reason for us not to remain friends.” There wasn’t much time left for them to remain as anything, but there was something inside Octavius that was screaming at him to fix this, damn it, _fix it._

“You’re soft down on me.”

“Well.” Octavius crossed his legs, toying with the plume. “It matters not.”

“Hold on, now, Spark, you’re saying you’re sweet on me?”

“I did ask you to take my hand.” Octavius shrugged.

“In the duct, yeah, but- that don’t mean anything, do it?” Jedediah scooted closer, coming up just an arm length short of Octavius’s right. When Octavius didn’t offer an answer- which, apparently, was all the answer Jedediah needed, the cowboy sighed. “An’ I turned you down.”

“Which I should have anticipated.”

“Hey there, partner, now slow down a minute.”

“No, Jedediah, you must understand.” Octavius ran him over, because this needed to be said, Jedediah had to know this. “Above all else, I value your companionship, and the last thing I want is to compromise that.”

“It wouldn’t be- Octy, how long’ve you felt that way?”

“You truly had no idea?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

“So? How long?”

Octavius set the helmet down in front of him. It rattled against the floor of the compartment as the plane rumbled its way through the air. He watched the plume on the top as it swayed back and forth under the background turbulence.

“Admittedly, for far longer than I’ve even known of it.” Octavius sighed.

“An’ you’ve ‘known of it’ since when?”

“I first had suspicions when- the hourglass,” Octavius admitted. “But since then I have come to my senses, as you would put it.”

“Oh.”

Even through the din of the airplane, Octavius could still hear the squeak of leather as Jedediah pulled off his gloves.

“I hate that damn knight,” he muttered, slumping down against the wall so his legs were stretched out in front of him.

“Lancelot?” Octavius asked, curiously.

“Damn bastard.”

“Oh.” Octavius allowed a moment of pause to pass between them- in case Jedediah had planned on following up his remark, but the cowboy remained silent. “At least,” he continued on, “he was blessed with his hair- did you notice how it didn’t melt in the torchlight like his nose did?” Taking the change of subject- of course Jedediah was changing the subject; why would Octavius have expected anything else- he focused instead on the memory of the knight. “And he turned out all right in the end, after all. Perhaps the gold he’d been seeking had been in his own heart all along.”

“Awh, now, cut it with that crap- he weren’t nothin’ but a close minded thief- hell, he could swallow nails and spit out corkscrews, he’s so crooked.”

The ferocity in which Jedediah slandered the knight was surprising; Octavius had never known Jedediah to truly hate anything before. Kahmunrah, perhaps, he harbored ill will towards. But the knight had helped them on their journey, hadn’t he?

“I believe he was misunderstood,” he defended, crossing his arms.

“Misunderstood,” Jedediah repeated, grumpily.

“Yes. His identity had been destroyed- how would you have felt?” Octavius sniffed.

“He got all uppity about his nose, the great burro.”

“So he was concerned with his features.” Octavius shrugged. “He needn’t have been, really. His eyes were blue enough to distract from the nose.”

“His teeth were so crooked, he could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence,” Jedediah spat. “And you wouldn’ _shut up_ about ‘im.”

“You brought the subject up in the first place,” Octavius pointed out. “But in any case, yes, I happened to appreciate how he looked. Why is that such a crime?”

“Because it bothers me, that’s why!” Jedediah tore off his hat and threw it down in front of his crossed legs with a scowl. “An’ I didn’t know _why_ for the life of me- you started goin’ off about how damn _blue_ his eyes were and how _handsome_ he was, an’- an’ I dunno what came over me, it was like I was mad enough to hunt a bear with a hickory switch.”

With fumbling fingers, the cowboy wrenched his gloves off and chucked them down into the hat.

“An’ I didn’t figure it out- I should have; I think the closest I came was when we were lookin’ at the stars, up there.”

“The stars?”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t pretend you weren’t lookin’ at ‘em, too.”

“Admittedly, yes, I was.”

“Anyway, that ain’t the point.”

“Then what _is_ the point?” Octavius looked down at his lap. “I do wish you’d get to it;  we haven’t much time left.”

“That…” Jedediah sighed. “I’m sorry.”

_Wheel-horse, I’m sorry. This ain’t… right._

“I mean,” Jedediah continued, and Octavius wanted nothing more than to sink out of the compartment- possibly out of the rest of the plane as well.

“I shouldn’t’a’ kissed you like that.”

And there it was.

“It is fine,” he said, stiffly. “You need not apologize; I understand.” Lie- he didn’t understand in the slightest. But at that moment Octavius was willing to say anything he had to to avoid this topic of conversation.

“No, no, Spark, you don’ understand. I shouldn’t’a kissed you like that, I mean that bit.”

And then hands were on his face again, ungloved, callused, warm hands that were gentle _oh so gentle_ and careful and soft and Octavius knew somehow, in that instant, that they were _safe._

“I should’a kissed you like _this._ ”

And this one, he saw coming.

This time, when Jedediah leaned over to kiss him, he was ready for it. As they collided, the plane gave a sudden jolt of turbulence- his eyes closed of their own accord and there was nothing else in the world except this.

The kiss on the rooftop had been all lips and clinking teeth- hands in his hair and the desperation of _we’re alive we’re alive we’re alive_ drumming through their veins. Both of them, it seemed, had been too distracted by the fact that they were standing and breathing and _living_ to fully devote their attention to the other fact that they were, yes, kissing.

But now?

Now, the plane could have hurtled down to earth and neither of them would have noticed.

 It was a little awkward, yes, with both of them sitting side by side. But with enough minor adjustments, they managed to rearrange themselves in a position that wouldn’t end up with a cramped limb after a minute or two. Jedediah somehow ended up above Octavius, nearly pinning him to the wall of the overhead storage compartment, and Octavius, for reasons he would likely never divulge, ended up not minding it a bit.

Jedediah’s lips were chapped, he realized. Soft, yes, but chapped. He supposed it was probably common among cowboys- after all, they spent their time in the dust and the sun. As he kissed back, he tried his best not to let his own teeth get in the way again- but in the process, ended up biting down on his own lip instead. Jedediah didn’t seem to mind, because he pulled Octavius closer still, hands sliding down from his jaw, arms coming up to wrap around his neck.

The moment belonged to them, and them alone. Octavius couldn’t think of a single place in the world he’d rather be.

He pressed a hand to Jedediah’s chest, pushing him away. The cowboy obliged immediately, and Octavius had to wrap a hand around his wrist to keep him from leaving completely. When Jedediah saw that Octavius wasn’t actually upset or offended by his advances, he softened.

“Hold on, now, wheel-horse, what’s the matter?” the cowboy asked, quietly. “Thought you said you were sweet on me.”

“I only want to make sure that- that this means to you the same as it means to me.”

“I said that, didn’ I?”

“You said what was, in all honesty, a rather terrible pick up line.” Octavius raised an eyebrow.

“What, you want me to.” Jedediah paused. “To actually, you know.” He coughed. “You want me to say it.”

“Properly, yes.”

“Out loud an’ everything?”

“As opposed to thinking it as hard as you can and hoping I’ll receive the message, yes.”

Jedediah sighed, slumping. His hands, barer than a newborn’s cheeks, flexed open and closed, open and closed. Octavius took them, closed his own hands over them.

“I… All right,then, if that’s what you want.” Jedediah gave a nervous laugh, looking at Octavius and shrugging. “I like you, Octy.”

“How much?” Octavius demanded.

“How- how much, what do you _mean_ , ‘how much?’ You can’t just ask someone how much they like you, boi, that ain’t-”

“How much?”

Jedediah groaned, head falling back so he was staring at the ceiling of the compartment. After a moment, he let out a breath and looked back down.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, shrugging. “An’… an’ it scares me. But I don’t care- we aint got time to figure that out, lord knows, so we may as well jus’ appreciate what we got, boi, right?”

“I.” Octavius rubbed a thumb over Jedediah’s hands. “I suppose that would be best,” he agreed. “But,” he added, giving Jedediah a shy smile, “for the record, I know as much as you do.”

“What a right pair we are, then.”

“A matched set, you could say.”

“What, are you pulling out the ‘made for each other’ line, now?”

“You’ve used much worse.”

“Not yet, but you can bet your little toosh I will, _now._ ”

And for a moment, they’d forgotten they were on a sinking ship, unable to do anything but watch as their time sank away, second after second, until they vanished below the surface together- and the sun rose to greet them. They’d forgotten that, soon, the plane was going to dip down the clouds and the lights of the city would illuminate it. They’d forgotten that the moon was creeping below the horizon as each passing second, the sun threatened them with its colors creeping in through the plane windows.

But at Jedediah’s words, they were both yanked back to the present.

“Hush you,” Octavius said, quietly. “Let’s make the most of our time.”

Cracking a smile that wasn’t quite there, Jedediah nodded.

“You said it, boi.”

_  
_

_  
_

_fin._


	2. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINE HAVE A HAPPY EPILOGUE

**Tuesday, January 29 th, 2017. 4:38 PM.**

“How soon can you make the delivery?”

…

“No, I want it here by the end of the week.”

…

“Not _next week,_ you bloody- can you hear me right? I said _this_ week.”

…

“What do you mean, you have a high school tour?”

…

“Well, I don’t care.”

…

“Five _hundred?_ You didn’t miss a decimal place?”

…

“All right, all right- I said _all right-_ next week. Fine. Yes.”

…

“Thank you. And be careful, for god’s sake. I want the best Styrofoam peanuts money can buy.”

o0O0o

**Saturday, October 15 th, 2017. 1:56 AM.**

"Octy, you are.”

“Mmmhmm.”

“Without a doubt.”

“Mmm _hmmm._ ”

“The absolute worst kisser I’ve ever kissed.”

“Mmhmm- hold on, what?”

“The worst. No contest.”

“Now, hold on one minute.”

“Nope. Case closed. Worst kisser I have _ever-_ ”

“And how many people have you kissed, precisely?”

“… s’not important.”

“A _ha._ Well, for your information, you aren’t exactly the finest of kissers, either.”

“Oh, is that so?”

“It is _very_ so. In fact- I almost wonder if that knight would have been a better choice.”

“You take that back.”

“Oh, but I do believe I’m on to something, here. True, he wasn’t the noblest at heart, but he certainly looked the part.”

“You’re walkin’ a fine, fine line there, partner.”

“No, really, I do wonder how he would feel-”

“You shut yer mouth right now, I’m warning you.”

“Oh? Or what?”

“ _I said shut it!_ ”

“Make me.”

o0O0o

**Monday, March 2 nd, 2017. 11:59 PM.**

The usual nights felt like instants- perhaps a moment of disorientation as the sun rose, a moment of sluggishness as the sun set and they were restored to life.

But this?

This was somnolent.

His arms and legs refused to bend to his will, and for a moment Octavius feared that the rest of the museum had awoken without him- before he managed to clench his right fist. Slowly- agonizingly slowly- the rest of his body came to life and he was able to take a few steps from his position. He finally managed to move himself forward a little, experimentally wiggling his fingers in an attempt to loosen them.

Surrounding him, he saw as he looked to the right and left of where he was stood, were all of his soldiers, who seemed to be going through the same process as he had mere moments ago. A couple of them had become as animated as he had, but the rest were still transitioning.

But, yes, back to the fact that _he was awake._ That meant the tablet was here, and _that_ meant Ahkmenrah had returned.

But most importantly, it meant-

Something collided with his back, knocking what little air was left inside his lungs.

With a shout, Octavius stumbled forwards, hunching over as the weight of whatever it was pulled him down. Struggling to remain on his feet, he grabbed blindly at the- arms?- that were locked around his waist in an attempt to get free.

 _“All exhibits please come down to the main entryway,”_ Ahkmenrah’s voice called, from over the loudspeaker, “ _and welcome to 2017-”_

“Ah, shaddup,” the thing around Octavius’s waist grumbled, and Octavius’s hands fell to his sides.

“You-” he began, but didn’t get a chance to finish, because Jedediah- not one to waste time- had spun him around and _why was he never the one to initiate these things?_

Jedediah’s lips were chapped beyond belief. Of course, it was understandable- they’d been under for, what, three years? Still, they slid against his own easily. As his heart glowed with excitement, Octavius wrapped his hands around Jedediah’s head and, bringing him closer still, smashed their noses together.

Jedediah let out a small grunt of pain before forcing Octavius’s head to tilt.

Octavius might have heard the monotone mumblings of the rest of his Romans, but he didn’t care. They could all be staring and it wouldn’t make a difference.

Lips smacking, Jedediah pulled away, grinning and glowing brighter than Octavius had ever seen him.

“Hey,” the cowboy said, arms still around his waist. “Long time, no see.”

“It hasn’t been _that_ long.”

“Three years, kemosabe.”

“Perhaps, but not for us.”

“Sure felt like it for me.”

“You’re a sap.”

“Awh, you like it.”

“On the contrary.” Octavius watched Jedediah’s face fall for a split second before taking pity on him and leaning over so their noses were brushing once more. “I _love_ it.”

o0o

Moving out of your parents’ house was usually something you did when you were, say, nineteen.

Not nine thousand.

But, three years and one phone call to the New York museum later, Ahkmenrah and his tablet were back. But, they learned, he’d had to strike a deal with his parents.

“I shall remain here for now- however, I will return to London for the last week of every other month,” he told them at the meeting. “Mister McPhee has been wonderful enough to arrange this for us by speaking to the London museum- and he told me to make sure that the museum is _spotless_ in the morning. Do you all understand that?”

And so they were back.

o0O0o

**Saturday, October 15 th, 2017. 2:43 AM.**

“Budge over, would ya’? I can’t hardly see the screen.”

“As if you’re actually watching the movie.”

“Course I am.”

“I’m sure.”

 _“I am!_ ”

“Oh, are you? Then what’s his name?”

“Whose?”

“The man in the long dress.”

“Oh. Uh.”

“Well?”

“I… dunno.”

“I knew it.”

“Yeah, yeah. Budge over.”

“And why should I? You’re not paying attention, anyway.”

“Hey, I’m paying attention.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“I _am._ ”

“You couldn’t name the main character.”

“Well, I ain’t payin’ attention to the _movie_.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Now budge over.”

“What for?”

“I’m runnin’ out o’ room. An’ your shoulder ain’t comfortable with all o’ that metal junk.”

“Excuse me? Junk?”

“Yeah, I think I’ve gotta bruise, now. Thanks for that, Octy.”

“I’ll have you know this was hand forged in-”

“China?”

“…yes. Probably. But it matters not.”

“Yeah, it matters not. Scoot over so I gots more room to sit up.”

“And what if I like having your head on my shoulder?”

“Then you’d better do somethin’ about that dumb- ah, there y’go. Much better.”

“I am a perfectly comfortable head rest, thank you very much.”

“Hmm. Never said ya’ weren’t.”

“Hush, you. We’ll miss the ending.”

“Ugh. How long’s this thing, anyhow?”

“It’s nearly over. This is where the knight comes in to rescue-”

“Knight?”

“Yes, knight. See, he has to come to rescue-”

“Why’s there always gotta be a _knight_ to the rescue, huh? What if I’m sick o’ knights?”

“Well, this movie just happens to have a knight in it.”

“Now, hold on a minute. I might not have paid attention to the plots and all, but ain’t that a city? Why in tarnation would’a _knight_ be- wait.”

“Jedediah-”

“You said knight just to mess with me, didn’ you?”

“I didn’t mean-”

“Hoo, boi, you’re gonna get what’s comin’ to you, you are.”

“Oh, am I?”

“Why yes, you are.”

“We’ll miss the end of the movie-”

“Now, tell me straight. Would you rather see the end o’ that thing, or would you rather I did _this?_ ”

“Jeded- hold on a moment, what- _Jedediah there are other people around here you can’t just-”_

“Ah, hush up, no one’s watchin’.”

“You don’t know that- _ah!_ ”

“Eh, let ‘em watch. I don’t care.”

“But-”

“You never answered me.”

“What?”

“Would’ja rather watch the end o’ that movie or-”

“Oh, hush up, you. There’s only seven minutes left; you can’t wait that long?”

“Hmmm. No.”

“We’ve got all night!”

“Yep.”

“Caesar’s ghost, you’re insufferable.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“And I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

“Mmmm.”

“Fine. But you’re going to be the one explaining why the movie’s paused with six and a half minutes left.”

“Who says anyone’s going to ask?”

“This isn’t our computer. Someone’s bound to notice.”

“You worry too much.”

“I worry exactly the right amount.”

“Wait, wait, I gotta rephrase that. You _talk_ too much.”

“Oh, well, I don’t really see why-”

“Here, lemme fix that for you.”

“Wait, Jeded-”

…

“See? Much better.”

“I don’t understand why you’re so antsy. We’ve still got at least three hours until sunrise.”

“Well then. Let’s make the most of our time.”

 

  _fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purpose of this story, the museum exhibits do not have any memory of their time spent frozen during the day. I know in the movies, it’s implied that they might, but not in this story. (And wow the movies have so many plotholes I’m surprised all these ships haven’t sunk yet)
> 
> Oh, yes, also Mc. Phee knows about the exhibits coming alive before Tilly comes to him at the end and they have their party thing, because he believes Larry when he tells him he needs to go to London- which is how he makes the deal with the British museum to bring Ahkmenrah back.

**Author's Note:**

> "The lost glove is happy." - Vladimir Nabokov, _Pale Fire_
> 
>  _Spark:_ cowboy slang for a lover  
>  _Wheel-horse:_ one’s friend, right hand man  
>  _Agendum:_ come on
> 
> The "octodaddy" part was borrowed from tinyotphell's wonderful headcanon **[here](http://tinyotphell.tumblr.com/post/113157154858)**
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Told you I'd make it sad~~


End file.
